Theft and Other Great Ideas...

Salesperson; "I'd like to take credit for the whole sale on at least two split deals but give the ½ commission to the other salesmen involved so that I can hit my bonus goal."

Me; "Absolutely not. It's theft, and more importantly it's theft on my watch!"

Salesperson; "Times like this, when I really need something, I realize how much of a 'company man' you are!"

Me; "Times like this, when you come at me with utter nonsense, I realize we aren't drug testing nearly enough!"